I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
