I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
