So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
