Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
