Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
