i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
