you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
