i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize