I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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