Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
