i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
