His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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