hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
