I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
