I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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