You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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