I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
