right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
