I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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