so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
