Well apparently he's into motor boating.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
