so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
