I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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