Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
