She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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