She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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