well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Shame - the story of my life.
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