Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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