I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
