he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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