I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
