Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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