My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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