my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
