He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
