Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize