when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Will exercising make me less horny?
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