Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
