Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
