I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
