I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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