My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
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I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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