i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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