walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize