Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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