By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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