I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
