i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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