I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
barbara walters just said penis...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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