so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
