I must be too annoying 4 u.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do herpes really smell.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
