Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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