Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
