Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
