I'm jealous of your bromance
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
