It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
