you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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