Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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